Inappropriate humor for the younger set

It's bed time and the kids are cycling through the shower. Dillon is on the couch beside me reading and playing with my hair (he's trying to win the Most Adored Child Award) and Caleb is in his room getting on jammies and cleaning up. As I sit on the sofa reading my book, I hear Talia, fresh from the shower, go pounding through the hall and up the steps all the while chanting, "I'm done! I'm done! I'm done!" etc, etc. And lo, a shout from Caleb floats out, "mummble mummble mummble Vagina!" The vague words sink through my immersion in imaginary world, my brow wrinkles and my head pops up. I turn towards Dillon, my ever mature 10 year old, and say, "Did he just say vagina?" Well, maybe that mature thing is a bit premature because then he collapses with laugher, so overcome he can barely speak. And really, who can blame him because he is 10 and the word vagina has now been uttered twice. But he tops it off with "...*giggle* He said *chuckle snort* her towel *snort wheeze* smells like vagina!!" Sigh....note to self- next time don't verify these sorts of things with the 10 year old.

How do we get on the internet now???

So for those of you not familiar enough with my beloved John, here is a little background info for you- he is a sleepwalker. I mean, one of those fun ones, who gives you stories to tell. For example, when I was pregnant with Dillon, I developed insomnia, and a small case of tired and lazy. I would stay up late reading in bed next to John, and when I needed something, I would rouse him to a semi conscious state, and send him on errands of which he later would have no memory. And when Dillon was born, he stayed in the hospital room with me, but was unable to provide any actual help. See, once Dillon fell asleep on my tummy, and I needed to use the restroom, so I called John....and called John....and called John. Yeah, you get the idea. Finally he popped up from the terribly uncomfortable fold out chair, grabs his pillow and starts shhh'ing and cooing to it like it was the baby. Mhmmm....no help there. I took the baby to the bathroom with me. Then we got home and settled in, and thus follows the poor quality sleep that only a newborn can provide, and all of the sudden strange things start happening, like waking up and finding picture frames removed from the wall for no apparent reason. Well, over our nearly eleven blissful years *chuckle* John has not failed to add to his repertoire. From invisible invaders in the middle of the night, to chasing our own dog around the house (poor, confused Dizzy), yelling at her, demanding that she get out, and irately demanding of me, "Did you see that dog jump through the window?!?!", the entertainment is always varying and unpredictable. Ahhh, memories! Well, here is this mornings memory. Picture it: me, snoozing deeply in bed, only to be wakened by my wonderful honey as he asks, "Honey, I know this is gonna seem like an odd question, but....have you seen the router?" Now, tell me, would this not make your eyes pop open in confusion, or what? Mine sure did. And what do I see but a sheepish smile, bright blue eyes and a hand holding a lone antenna....detached from the mysteriously missing router. Not under the bed..... Not along the wall..... Not behind the curtain... Aha, there it is! Sitting on the nightstand, completely unplugged and wires all detached. Now, I don't know what middle of the night emergency led to the router removal, but I am sure it made sense to John, somehow. As for me, it is just another story to add to the Silly Stories Starring John book I am working on. Ten more years, and I will be all set to publish!

Ahhh-chooo! Bless me!

For the last couple of weeks I have had a, well, we will call it a cold. This afternoon, for the third day in a row, I was sneezing like it was going out of style, so I asked Caleb to go get me some toilet paper to blow my nose. Thoughful little guy that he is, he heads right off to grab some. As he is headed back to me, he says, "Mommy, I got you a whole square!" ....Thanks, sweetie, that's gonna go far. I love my little helpers!

Am I feeling relief, or am I in shock?

Soooo.....

There are no children in my house. That's right, my friends, for the first time in 10 years, all of my kids are walking, talking and in school all day on a matching schedule. No running to drop them off after lunch, no interrupting naps to pick someone up, no babies in my house at all. Period. Yes, I think it might be shock I am feeling.

They were all so adorable in their back to school outfits and new backpacks. I'd post a picture, but I still don't know how. I have begged my computer savvy, extremely loving and indulgent husband to figure it out for me, and then show me how, so maybe soon some visual aids will join my words. But until then, picture three mini me's, only way, super cuter, with great big packs on their backs and 3 boxes of Kleenex clutched in their hands heading into school. This is, unbelievably, Dillon's last year in elementary school in this district. It does seem like only yesterday, as we moms are wont to say, that I was taking HIM to his first day of kindergarten. Time surely does fly.

We had chocolate chip panckakes for breakfast. Talia's hair was braided and pulled back into pig tails. Dillon's feet are almost the same size as mine. The boy's shirts matched, but they had different shorts. Ta looked too much like a teenager for my heart to handle. My house is so quiet. Yep.....I am pretty sure it is shock.

Nope, they aren't the mail man's

Soooo....here is some irrefutable proof that the kids DEFINITELY belong to John.

Down the road we go, on our way to the YMCA for summer youth fitness, inconveniently scheduled from 6-7 in the evening, and from the back pipes up a little voice. "Mommy," my adorable girl child says, "do you know Queen Amidala? You know, from Star Wars?" Ummhmmm, I respond. "Did you know she was only 14 when she became queen? Just 14! Can you believe that?" Oh, I am not believing something alright, but it is NOT the queen's tender years. "And," adds my information source, "all her girls that served her, they were her age, and they weighed the same as she did, and they looked like her and were the same height." Wow, I respond. And thus begins a very rousing conversation in the back about where, precisely, the places can actually be found, and how they developed their weapons and machinery. You will be happy to know that it was established that Star Wars, its people and various locations are located in our imaginations. And this frighteningly informative pint sized sci fi fan is certifiable proof that these children are indeed the spawn of John Rowland.

10 Things I love About Blu

In honor of the return of Betsy Blu, carefully restored to her former glory, and seemingly no worse for the wear, I dedicate this post to her. For approximately two weeks, we tootled around in Loaner....that would be our rental, a grey Toyota Corolla which I did NOT love. Now that we have her back, we realized how important she is to us, so we welcome her home with this ode to Betsy in the form of 10 things we love about Blu!

10. She is such a pretty shade of Blu.

9. She has a clock. I know, it doesn't seem like an ammenity, but after a few weeks without one in Loaner, it is definitely something we came to appreciate.

8. Storage, storage, storage and more storage! Whomever invented Stow-and-Go should win the Nobel Prize. I nominate them.

7. The ability to place the kids out of reasonable reach of one another. The back seat of a midsize vehicle is just not big enough for three kids, trust me. Sound familiar to any other parents out there? "Stop touching me! Stop touching me! STOP touching me! STOP touching ME! STOP TOUCHING ME!" "AHHHH! Mom! He/she hit me!" Sigh...

6. The interior of the van allows space for sound dispersement. The back seat of the Corolla is just too darn close to the front seat, and too darn small for all that noise. I am fairly certain John and I had tiny aneurysms every time we went somewhere in the car, which also explains why we are now even more forgetful, so please don't mention it.

5. Comfortably positioned arm rests. Perfectly placed for premium arm propage.

4. Ideal steering wheel design. Who knew there even was one, right? But there is! And Betsy's is designed ideally for comfort in both one, and two-handed driving.

3. Power locks. Man did we miss them, and along with those....

2. Remote power locks and sliding doors. As a mom of more than one, these are such a must! I knew when we added Betsy to the family that this was going to spoil me, and man, oh man, was I right!

1. Finally, Betsy is a well-worn, well-loved member of our family. I know we are a bunch of funny bunnies for considering our vehicles a part of the fam, but we are okay with that. She always takes good care of us and gets us where we need to go sanely and comfortably. We sure did miss you, Betsy, and welcome home!

Rockin' the....pizza foot?

A couple anecdotes from the Rowland household for your enjoyment

Anecdote 1:

Last night for dinner was bow tie pasta with spicy alfredo sauce, topped with seasoned chicken. MMMMmmmmMMMMmmm good. Everything was ready and the kids were around the table helping me out by gathering plates, cups and what-not, and what comes on the radio?? Oh, trust me, you want to know! I mean, I don't know, or care, what your preferred genre is, this song is good stuff. How can you go wrong with a title like Rockin' the Beer Gut? Not possible! This song is a must sing along, as you can imagine, and if you can't something MUST be wrong with your imagination, and you might wanna have that looked into. As my children and I have excellent imaginations, we went to town. I squealed in girlish delight (...) and ran to the living room to blast the volume, and hustled back to the table so the party could begin. Picture it: the four of us dancing like loons, lip syncing our hearts out, while Dillon and Caleb accompany us on their guitars, comprised of a broom and a long wooden stick. When the chorus got to the line about it just being a little extra love around the waist, I actually picked Caleb up and wrapped him around my middle. Sigh....good times. For the uninformed, here are the lyrics so you can get the full picture! http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/trailer-choir/rockin-the-beer-gut-27372.html
Sometimes I wonder, am I warping them, or creating priceless memories? Then I laugh it off and get back to the real world!

Anecdote 2:

Yet again, it's dinner time. This evening, per petite request, is the classic Homemade English Muffin Pizza. Kids dig the zanniest things. When Ta came into the kitchen, she exclaimed out loud in her excitment, and I got the elusive "Oh, thank you Mommy!" with no prompting what-so-ever. So out comes the first sheet of pizza muffins, and I am getting the kids plates all together as I discuss with John his progress on heating up some leftover porkchops for me, which had been prearranged. Needless to say....John was emailing as he laid out on the couch, i.e. NOT holding up his end of the bargain. Therefore, it was my indisputable wifely duty to harrass him for his slacking. To which it was his husbandly duty to tackle me and slam me (in the most loving and non abusive way) up against the door. To which it was the kids childrenly duty to jump on his back and come to my defense. While this was all terribly enjoyable and laughter filled the room, the best is yet to come! Because the monkey on John's back led to him losing his balance and staggering backwards. Doesn't that sound inocuous? Well, unbeknownest to all of us revelers, Caleb had brought in his freshly served up muffin pizza and put the plate on the floor, in preparation for our family movie night, and said muffin pizzas had the misfortune of being in the path of John's enormous, hairy, MAN FOOT! As our poor littlest guy looked sadly upon his plate and uttered this miserable line..."My pizzas!"....John begins hopping on one foot, uttering a strangled "Ahhhhhhh! It's hot!" And me, being the loving wife that I am, collapsed on the floor laughing, and responded with..."Well, yeah, it's fresh out of the oven!" Ahhhh, good times!
I have a picture of the foot pizza, and once I figure out how, I will add it in here. Heh

I hope you have enjoyed this peek into our world, we sure enjoy being here!